Your light is not diffused into a thousand areas when you are a man with a specialty. Your light is allowed even encouraged to be of laser quality. This is called brilliance and genius in men, the focus this concentration.This light.
In a woman it’s called single-mindedness. Selfishness, you should not be focusing so much on your writing, reading , math, science when there are children and /or trucks of labor work to be emptied children to be raised or dishes to be done or small dustballs to be scooped up.
How archaic, but old habits die-hard.
I find I have the hardest time focusing and staying focused because of personal habits of a lifetime, or maybe it’s me just sabotaging myself. But my poor David. I just get into the groove of some thing I want to write down and I come in and he’s ( the same guy who works his butt off in a lumber yard paying our bills) just trying to decompress a little by playing cards on the computer ) and I get to feeling all thwarted that I can’t just sit down and let the steam out or as some would say “open a vein” all because there’s work to be done and he shouldn’t have to do ALL that too and support my dead butt. He never says this, this is my internal mantra. But it’s one I need to learn to change.
What had happened was this… I had watched a Seinfeld episode where the character George goes without sex for six weeks because his girlfriend has mononucleosis and he become smarter and Elaine goes without it because she needs to smarten up her boyfriend for a test and Elaine becomes slower. Well, I could understand the concept of the male mind becoming brilliant if the thing that it thinks about every 6 seconds is removed over the course of time, a whole lot more thinking is going to take its place.
But the part of Elaine’s lapse is still beyond me. Women spend years multitasking including sex that I don’t think the effect on a woman would ever be the same if she were to go without sex that long. I believe you have to release a woman from the responsibility of family housework and cooking for them to get that kind of focus, it’s a kind of focus that only comes with the emptiness of no other thoughts interrupting it, this brilliance, that’s why it’s so startling in its intensity. Because the more brilliant the thought literally the less complicated it is. It really is very simple, I mean come on look at the guys above…they don’ look like they could fight their way out of a paper bag alone let alone with three of them, but focused brilliant men all. They look calm, at ease…thinking.
So let the laundry lie, leave the dishes stack up or better yet, instead of years of you life whooshed away down the sink…use paper. ( Just think of the gallons of water saved! You good deed doer!)
I believe women through the act of multitasking and taking care of their families lose their formidable edge and brilliance. You can only throw so much light on a subject when the dustbunnies under your daughters canopy are calling you by name and your family’s entire welfare, education, future and religious beliefs, are in your able hands for God’s sake.
It’s hard being or trying to control any number of Universes…so stop it. By making sure that kids universe, and that man’s universe only include a Mom and wife who is calm and funny and loving. Leave immaculate for hospital corridors.
Let that well loved man find his own socks, DROP your personal crucifix and stop making your family feel like they are just a BURDEN for you. Not a joy. You must make the choice yourself, they can’t be responsible for your happiness, you are. They’re just responsible for their own light, not yours. So take a big breath and drop that crucifix let the laundry wait till “Laundry day” on the weekend just like everybody else and just corral those dustbunnies in a corner where you’ll get to them Saturday morning. For now, write that brilliant paper, kiss that baby and buy paper plates as a valentine to the man you love who’ll never have to wash another plate. And that’s my light for the day…
Note to Self: Focus on doing less and being happy more, and I’ll love you always…I always have.
In the years to come it’s not the paper you write or the dinner you made or what plates you used they’ll remember…it’s your ability to be at peace with them and yourself that your family will just love and remember…how just being around you they feel happy and peaceful not judged, jarring and angry.
And If I ever get so focused my eyebrows look like this please tell me…I’m obviously no longer on the same page as the rest of us…