Sheila and the Border Patrol…

or…”A mosquito on the ass of an Elephant”…

zzzzt, zzzzt…splat.

My life. Go figure. There was an attempt made on my life, I was almost killed, this big SUV cut me off coming out of Bassett’s parking lot…he pulled his white new SUV right out in front of my little 10-year-old manual transmission Fort Escort Wagon…scared me to death. Then I got MAD.

I chased him like a mosquito on the ass of an elephant. Right up to the red light… and started honking and beeping and revving my teeny little engine like I would climb all over him, I kept it up until I realized he probably couldn’t see me as I only reached his bumper.

 So when the light changed I backed off a little but still gestured and beeped to beat the band. I wanted this clown to pull over so I could give him a piece of my mind. Well, I finally got his attention and he pulled into the new Walmart Superstore parking lot. Then he went off  to the corner to a  kind of solitary place. But in full daylight and at that angle I could see through his darkened windows to a grill or a screen that divided the front seats and the back seats. Rather like a dog-catcher. Or a human-catcher…a police car.  And along these canine lines I was thinking when I realized I was either gonna be the meanest and yappiest little dog in this fight or I was about to get chewed up and spit out by the BIG DOG.

Start Yappin’… 

The door of the SUV swung open and this huge muscular leg, followed by the giant-sized body of Atlas x 2. Looking to be all of about 19 years old and topped with a blonde crew cut this huge Kid was wearing a little golf shirt stretched acrossed his muscle bound chest. It had a little logo that read (in tiny print) ” BORDER PATROL’…

Back to the Yapping mode…I want the name of your Commanding Officer!!, You almost killed me back there ! Who do you think you guys are going around pulling out in front of people like that! Where’d you learn to drive!! What’s your C.O.’s name? Phone Number? You’ll be hearing from me!

He actually was a sweet kid but a terrible driver. He was so apologetic, he really didn’t think he had cut me off… Yes he did see me but thought he had plenty of room. I still called his Commanding Officer to let him know how that while very kind this kid still needed driving classes.

 And I’m glad I did because the kid had already warned the C.O. about this incident. So just when I start thinking about getting treated shabbily by some bureaucrat or officer of the law here comes these two guys to prove that just like my Dad, there still are good officers born every minute.  (And a few mosquitos)

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