The Annual Spring Spider dance…

     Spider incited spazzy behavior, it’s that time of year again. This is the lull before the Mayfly storm, when you can witness whole families running up the street after going to the lake late in the afternoon to watch sunset. Only to be taken by surprise at dusk, when huge clouds of Mayflies that come off the lake just looking for light or a bright place to land. It is pretty funny to watch them go screaming by. Slapping at each others clothes, just trying to get them off, just trying to get home. No doubt the first thing they do is turn on a light.  Bad move. Also at this time of year don’t dress in white or you’ll be looking like the amazing bee bearded guy. O.K., maybe it’s cruel to laugh but I’ve done my share of running and screaming too.

     Anyway this is Act 1 in the “Cycle of Life” around here. This is the time of year where you’ll see people step out to put gas into their car and as you watch them they break into a spider-sized super spazzy dance meant to throw off  any critter from their arm, leg or whatever part of their body that they appear to be shaking.  My stoic, calm and cool husband picks up a phone reciever at work early in the morning and throws it 92 miles per hour, only to  amaze his co-workers, trying to avoid intimate contact with an arachnoid.  Me slugging around the house suddenly appearing to do the dance of the seven veils, when spooked by the thoughts of spiders I flail my arms and jump around only to find it’s the damn oxygen hose…now I’m really out of breathe! 

     Anyway  back to that crazy spider induced behavior, I came into the living room in the early hours the other day and turned on a light only to find a large freeze framed black spider just next to the light on the wall, looking rather caught in the act. I may be old, I may be fat, but I can still be fast. I stopped it dead with a paperback. People think it’s so intellectual to read, actually it’s self defense, I always have a weapon in my hand. But those spiders…it’s as if they were all playing musical chairs while my husband and I slept . And then when I awoke the music stopped. Poor guy, I popped him with a paperback. It was a perfectly peaceful book on poetry put to the act of murder.   It’s that time of year. Spring. you see so many things you were never meant to. 

   Late last week I was up sitting up after the late night news with only the glow of the TV in the room when I noticed a small black shadow moving across the floor…sure enough , I turned on the light just in time to see that spidy critter scamper under a couch I can no longer pick up. Off to bed thought I, I’ll just retreat from the field of conflict. Needless to say I slept in the dark. Sometimes you just don’t want to know. Battles lost and won this time of year. The following morning I awoke to seeing a man with a tank on his shoulder rangering around my neighbors foundation. Later it occured to me these spiders now had to flee elsewhere in spiderland. Probably my lovely currently untoxified  estate is next on their Itinerary.  It just occurred to me, It’s that damn mother nature just getting ready to feed those Mayflies, who feed the fish who feed us and on and on and on…life sure is messy.

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